We have heard for years that CFS & Fibromyalgia comes from some sort of trauma we probably experienced in our childhoods or during our young adult lives. CFS & Fibromyalgia patients have refuted this for years and we pull out all kinds of scientific proof to show that there are biological and physical factors that cause these illnesses to develop. But is this true in EVERY case?
Before anyone goes off on me, I’m just pondering some things that I hadn’t really thought about before.Sunday at church I had an experience that started me thinking that maybe all of my issues stemmed from emotional trauma as a child.
Our pastor was preaching a sermon on physical healing and at the end, he invited people to come forward to be anointed with oil and to have a healing prayer said to them. I figured I might as well give it a shot. Lord knows I’ve tried practically everything man has to offer, why not reach for help from above? I was saved as a young girl in the church I grew up in, but I still question why didn’t I lean on God sooner? I’ve prayed for healing and for help, but I’ve relied more on man for a cure over the years than God.
As the preacher was saying the prayer, he asked me if there was a moment in time that I saw as he was praying and there was. Issues from my childhood came up while he was praying and things that I had been told, such as:
- You’re worthless
- You’ll never amount to anything
- You have no ambition
- You’re lazy
- I hate you
- I wish you were never born
The preacher believes this could be some of what is fueling my CFS, Fibromyalgia and IC Disease. My first reflex was go to on the defense and say, “No, this is a physical illness and being told those things has nothing to do with the way I am today”. But deep down I knew that there was some truth in what he was saying. Let me explain further…
I believe that I have always had some form of CFS possibly since childhood, or was just not healthy. I always needed more rest. Being told that I was worthless, had no ambition, was lazy and would never amount to anything led me to be an overachiever to prove otherwise. My quest to be perfect, fueled by my insecurities about what I repeatedly heard as a child and teenager, led me to be a workaholic.
After I became a workaholic, I ran my body to the ground, which led to the severe CFS, Fibromyalgia and IC Disease. So when I really think about it, things did start from an emotional trauma for me which caused the physical breakdown of my body.
Once I was unable to work at all, I did not have my job to throw myself into to fight off dealing with these issues from childhood. Now that I am unable to hold down a job, and can’t “forget” my issues by burying myself in my work, I am trying to deal with these issues now, over 20 years later.
I just told my husband the other day that I think I was actually better off when I was working. I believe I feel worse now that I’m not working than what I did before. But the real truth is I feel worse EMOTIONALLY now and that is not making my physical health any better. I’m trying to deal with all of these issues and it is taking an even bigger toll on me. There are days when I feel like a nervous breakdown is just one mental thought away and I’m scared for myself and my family.
My intellectual self KNOWS that I am not worthless, lazy, andunmotivated. But my heart feels differently. I spent hours last night in bed when I couldn’t sleep just praying that God will take the pain away and help me to have a normal life emotionally.
What are your thoughts? Can you go back and pinpoint your physical downfall with emotional trauma?
I didn’t (that I know of) have an emotional trauma at the beginning, although like you, the way I lived and the stress I put myself under (Anxiety, in several incarnations) made a bad situation much, much, much worse.
I am slowly crawling out of the ME/CFS pit. I may never get fully out, but I’ll take what I can get. Some of my improvements have come from strange and varied things like rewriting my mental script (being 15 minutes late is really NOT the end of the world), exploring parts of my being I was scared to before (I’m diving into the worlds of ballet (well, armchair so far) and drawing right now), exploring a nascent spirituality, and chanting (probably that regular deep breathing thing, although I think the tones help too somehow). All of those things that open and relax vs. fight/clench/frustrate/despair. I could see how emotional abuse could lead to physical breakdown, but in my case I think my self-abuse meant I was kicking myself while I was already down – and that’s no way to get yourself back up. My goal is to find every little sapper in my life that I can, with the idea that if I stop draining all my resources, whatever IS wrong will be fixed by a body that doesn’t have to fight so hard at everything else. My main one I’m still working on: computer time. It is a drain. And I have to limit it more!!
I feel that emotional and psychological trauma can be involved in M.E. Definately in my case anyway. I got sick soon after a very difficult emotional time in my life. I was run down and drained emotionally, psychologically and physically. Also, The way I think now, for example anxiety/relaxation can affect my physical sympthoms. Its also well documented that stress makes M.E worse..I don’t think anyone would argue with that!
I can completely understand why people are so adamant to say that this is purely physical illness and I do agree that it is a physical illness. Its just that I think that our thoughts/emotions can also effect our the chemicals in our brains and whatevers going on there… which would obviously have a knock on effect on our body. I have no idea how it works…I’m not a doctor or boichemist. However I do think that looking after our psychological/emotional health is a factor that people with M.E. sometimes dismiss ina bid to convince doctors that our illness is really physical.
I don’t believe that our emotional/psychological traumas or problems are the only reason we are ill but I do think that addressing them may be a factor in our journey back to health.
I think the physical and emotional are very closely tied. Together they make us whole. We cannot have one without the other. So, why wouldn’t they affect each other?
I, too, feel that my life growing up was an ongoing trauma. I was adopted by my grandmother and continually reminded that no one wanted me. Even today, she tells me I am lazy when I am just to exhausted to function. I hear her in my head every day.
Admitting that emotional things can have an effect our physical health does not make our illnesses less real. Just maybe more complicated.