I know a lot of people don’t understand why I don’t look forward to Christmas, but if you suffer like I do, I know you know where I’m coming from. For me, the holidays just represent more work, more exhaustion, more flares. I try my best to stay upbeat for my family but all I can think about is how all of the extras of the season are going to come back to bite me with a bedridden flare.
This year is even more of a worry for me because we have additional things going on that will make this holiday season very busy. I always start to feel depressed and all I want is not to feel that way. I guess I need to put that on my Christmas list for Santa…no depression for Christmas. I know that it is common for us with chronic illness to become depressed around the holidays and article after article will give ideas and suggestions on how not to be depressed around the holidays, but who am I kidding? I’m tired of writing those articles when I’m not feeling it myself.
Getting gifts ready, whether they are wrapped or put in gift bags, shopping…all of the little extras that “normals” take for granted are just added stressors for me. Trying to remember everything is another problem. My mind is constantly going with what I can’t forget, who I still need to buy presents for, etc. Lists aren’t even working for me this year because I’m then wondering who I forgot to put on the list. It just goes on and on and I want the stress to be over!
I think I need to up my Prozac over the next couple of weeks until the holidays die down. Trying to talk to others about this doesn’t help because they don’t get it. Most people suggest that you just don’t worry about it. That’s easy to say when they are the ones who can wait until the last minute to do everything and still have lots of energy left over. I don’t have that luxury. None of us do who are sick.
This is the absolute worse Christmas that I can remember. My husband is unemployed after 31 years at the same employer. We are struggling to get by. I’m working full time (under employed) and can barely breath by the time I get home.. yet I still must prepare meals for my husband and act like everything is just fine. Well its not. I’m depressed and have gotten to the point that I can’t stand most people and just want to be left alone. I’ve always been a happy person and now I no longer have much reason for cheer.
I can totally understand why the suicide rate increases around the holidays… especially when you’re facing some very scary financial situations.
My husband has a major eye problem and can’t drive. So that limits his job posibilities.
I feel hopeless and helpless.
I’ve never been much of a Christmas person in the past and now it’s paralyzing. Because of pain, stress and the bad economy.
My letter to Santa would say the following.. Dear Santa, please cancel Christmas. I can’t afford it and it only depresses me to death. It makes people phoney and whether your well or not its exhausting.
Hi Patti, Prayers are going out for you and your husband. I hope that you can find some joy this holiday season. Hugs to you! 🙂