I was totally humiliated yesterday at work when I had a mini-breakdown. It is becoming abundantly clear to me that while I can’t stand being at home all of the time, working is not turning out to be a positive outlet for me.
When I was hired, I was told I would be doing one job, which is the least physical, but I have been scheduled lately almost every shift to do a physical job which is causing me a lot of problems. At first I thought with the few hours I work I would be able to handle it but I can’t. I talked to the boss, told her I physically was unable to do the job, but she didn’t take it out of my job description so I have still been doing the same thing.
Yesterday I wasn’t feeling well at all and I broke down in front of one of the managers. I was asked to do something that I know I could not do but no one else would do the job either for the boss on duty. What upset me the most is there was a kid there about half my age but they wanted me to do this very physical job. This was after the one manager told the shift boss that I could not do anything that physical. Then I was having trouble working because of the severe pain from my FM that was in every joint of my body and I walked to the corner and broke down.
The one manager asked me what was wrong and I told her that I want to work so bad but everytime I try it never works out and it looks like it’s not going to work out this time either. I usually keep my emotions in check and don’t let people know what I am really feeling but it was just like everything became very real for me. While I thought I had accepted all of my health issues, it still hurts to not be able to do what you love.
Sandy, I am so sorry you keep having to go through this. All of us with chronic illness so want to be able to live our lives as we expected to. And to break down at work must have felt awful! On the other hand, there is such a thing as the Americans with Disabilities Act and I’m wondering if what they’re doing here is legal? Just a thought. Hang in there girl.
Sandy, I’m so sorry this happened. But it also makes me angry because they should never have put you in that position in the first place. It’s hard to do but you have to stop feeling embarrassed at what happened. Good luck and let us know what happens next.
Sherlock
Hi Sandy,
I feel for you so much! Working is the one thing that I can’t seem to adjust to not being able to do. I’ve just about accepted that I can’t work at a normal job, but still trying to figure out something I can do at home and at my own pace that will be profitable. Telling them up front what your limitations were was a very smart, brave thing to do. But they are NOT treating you fairly right now. It sounds like they DO need to be reminded of the ADA. Sometimes it helps to speak directly to Human Resources? And don’t feel bad about not being able to do something. If you had a visible disability no one would think that of asking you! Hang in there, I hope everything works out for the best, and whatever you do, don’t risk making yourself sicker, or getting hurt, it’s not worth it.
Thank you all so much for your support. It is wonderful to be able to vent and to have other people understand what it is like.
Sandy,
I know how you feel. I actually had my breakdown just getting into my career of interior designing and ended up in a Veteran Assisted Living Home and would still be there if I hadn’t met my husband by chance. Although I’m sure he had no idea what living with someone who has CFS and Fibro meant.
Several times I’ve tried to go back to work and finally gave it up. I was lucky to be a veteran or I would have never had anywhere to go. After 10 yrs, I did finally win my SS disability on Fibromyalgia. But it’s not much pay. I think for most of us, we were hard working people until we became ill. But not being able to work outside the home is a devastating realization. I know it’s taken me 4 yrs. to realize I will probably never get back to work. Now, I’m just trying to figure out how to have a fullfilled life with these crazy illnesses.
I know you understand all this and hope you visit my blog also which I’ve just started posting on again. Go to my first post, it will sound familiar to you.
All I can say is to try and find a happy medium. I worked for 4 yrs. at a church being a custodian. Yes, it was physical sometimes but because I worked alone, I could control the environment around me. So I could on my better days do more physical work and the worse days, a little dusting at a level where I didn’t have to bend. They hired me knowing I was ill and was kind enough to work with me on the days I couldn’t get up. Well, until they got a new board. I always completed the work on time and did even extra little things. I could have stayed there and maybe made it, but the new board didn’t feel as compassionate as the old board. I had to leave and within months I was too sick to work.
I hope you can find a situation that will work for you.