I have talked to many chronically ill patients over the years. While we all have different lives, different circumstances, and a variety of different illnesses, we are all the same in suffering. Where I get frustrated (as I have a lot recently) is when someone who is chronically ill tries to out do another chronically ill patient. I know a couple of people who I have talked with many times who want to know how I am doing, then proceed to try to “one up” me with their symptoms, problems, etc.
I don’t like to complain a lot to other people (besides my poor husband, bless his heart) and while I tend to minimize how bad I feel sometimes, I never feel the need to try and out do another chronically ill person. Here is an example: If I would happen to say to this type of person that I had a bad weekend, my back went out, I couldn’t do anything for two or three days except drag myself to the bathroom to pee (that was my weekend actually), this person would tell me that there is no way how bad I felt could even compare to their pain and fatigue.
When you are chronically ill, no matter what your situation be it pain, or incapacitating fatigue, one is not worse than the other. For each of these sufferers their own circumstances and set of symptoms is their hell.
I can say as someone who suffers from both incapacitating fatigue and pain that I will take the pain any day over the fatigue. But someone who suffers from primarily severe chronic pain would say they would rather live with the fatigue. Is one worse than the other? No. Is either one anything to compete over? No.
Another situation I have found myself in is when someone quite older than me (say 20 years or so) will become chronically ill. They are depressed and miserable because they have raised their kids, paid their dues, and feel that now they should be able to travel and live their lives as they want. I look at their situation as (and have told this to them) that at least they had their youth, were healthy in their youth, were able to go and do with their children. Somehow they look at my situation as better than theirs. What?
My situation is that I became ill very young. I was not and have not ever been able to go and do whatever I want with my child, with my husband, etc. I have never been able to have a long lasting successful career because of my health.
So whose situation is worse? Neither. Each one is sad and unfortunate and EQUALLY devestating to the person it has happened to.
Don’t we go through enough every day just trying to survive and learn to live with our illnesses without trying to out do the next chronically ill patient? Life is short. Why waste time on such petty things?
Thanks to Anja Merrett for including this post as part of their Blog Carnival Observations On Life.
I don’t like to compare myself with other people or compare other people who are sick. Everyone copes differently, has or doesn’t have a support system and feels pain and loss in a different way.
When I feel the urge to get jealous or envious of someone else, I remember that I never know what goes on behind closed doors. When I start to feel sorry for myself, I recognize that so many other people are worse off than I am.
I still cry, get frustrated and angry but I try my best not to focus on myself too much.
I am newly diagnosed and still wonder if it is the right diagnosis, but the worse thing is when I make myself vulnerable and tell a close friend what is going on with me and they reply, I probably have that diagnosis too! Yah, of course, I’m whining, why didn’t I think of that. My friend would not be able to function if she truly was experiencing the same thing – some days I wonder how I still have a job… just in that some day I can’t get out of bed… It makes me want to strike out… but I do try to keep in check and realize we each have our own stuff and if she thinks I’m whimping out – that’s her problem, but still is sad that I cannot talk to her about these things.
Crying in Montana